We all know clowns are drunks, but they’re also oftentimes drug addicts, and, in a sick joke, they often TELL YOU their drug of choice in their name? Don’t believe me? Check out these 8 common clown names, and see how the names have roots and origins in the drug trade.
HAPPY: Any joker with this name is hooked on ecstasy.
POWDER: Standard nickname for a cocaine-dealing clown.
ANGEL: Although it’s so obviously code for angel dust (PCP), you commonly find clowns named Angel at little girls’ birthday and princess parties.
FUZZY: Clowns get this sobriquet because of their love of weed, kilos of which they can stash in those baggy pants.
SUNSHINE: Shortened name is code for “yellow sunshine” or “orange sunshine”—both variants of LSD. That bright swirly tie they always wear? Loaded and entirely lickable.
KIBBLES: Kibbles (or “Kib-Daddy,” as he prefers to be called) is your crack cocaine dealer of the mix. Commonly seen juggling flaming torches, this bozo always has a light.
SNIFF/SNIFFLES: Also a nickname for cocaine-loving bozos. Though where Powder traffics in uncut, Sniffles usually plies street-grade stuff know as “Sweet & Low.”
GIGGLES: Master of laughing gas/nitrous oxide. Brought in when civilians need subduing. Rarely seen without canisters and bags of balloons.
Excerpted from Red Nose Alert’s anti-clown
humor book, When Clowns Attack: A Survival Guide
(2015, Random House), which makes a great gift
for the clown-fearing friend in your life. The book may just save your life.